Indulging in the familiar

I lied….

I said I would post again in less than 2 months this time. Well, this is a few days short of 2 months. I had a few things that I wanted to get straightened out in life here in Denver before I put up another post. I had some revelations and mysteries arise not too long after I posted my last blog.

My biggest discovery was that I didn't realize to what extent I have given a year of my life toward so many new things. Obviously I’m in a new city, living with new people, and working a new job, but this newness is even greater than that.

It was kind of odd because I didn’t realize how much it was affecting me until I had a few meetings at work and realized all the little mistakes I had made and things I’d missed along the way. My “don’t worry, I got this,” “I’ll just dive in head first, and try to swim” approaches had failed. I hadn’t asked the right questions or really known to what extent my job and therefore my mistakes had on the environment and culture of my workplace.

So… I can’t do everything, or “figure everything out” without help. Asking for help though or admitting that you don’t remember the answer to that question you know you’ve asked several times is both frustrating and humbling. I couldn’t admit to the people I’m working with or to myself that I was struggling.

All I knew was that I was overwhelmed and not really that happy. But, instead of asking myself where the core of my frustration was coming from, and admitting that I couldn’t handle everything that was thrown at me, I played the blame game, or wondered why I couldn’t just do more of what I thought I came here for.

With all of that though, and with supervisors that really care about working with me as I am, we have spent a lot of time trying to decide what that needs to look like.

For me, sometimes 9.5 hour work days, mostly on computers, plus a total of at least 1 ½ hour a day commute back and forth, plus trying to be a contributing member of my house, sometimes, it’s too much, at least when it’s all struggle. I wore myself out.

A girl at orientation laid out to us that being an extravert or introvert isn’t about being outgoing or shy. It’s about where you draw your energy. Anyone who knows me well knows I am the former, and could have probably predicted, maybe even better than I could, that spending so much time on computers would drain me, wouldn’t stimulate me toward any positive energy…

I learned that my biggest strength is connectedness: seeing all things as connected and being able to grasp the big picture. I think though that that was easier for me to see before I started the job. When I first interviewed for a position at The Gathering Place, I heard the job description, knew making calendars and doings some computer maintenance was part of it, but the parts that rang out were the, “There’s this program called The Card Project,” and “I’m sure we can find time for you to work with kids,” and “songwriting sounds like a great idea and a good possibility,” to where the pieces of my job that actually take up the most of my time just became small pieces of the bigger picture in my mind.

I've also learned that your biggest strength can also be your biggest weakness. One of my coworkers who has the same strength says that we have a harder time focusing on the details along the way because we are so focused on the big picture. Instead of seeing the trees, we see the whole forest. But, she shared the George Herbert poem, For Want of a Horseshoe Nail:

For want of a horseshoe nail

For want of a nail, the shoe was lost.
For want of a shoe, the horse was lost.
For want of a horse, the rider was lost.
For want of a rider, the battle was lost.
For want of a battle, the kingdom was lost.
And all for want of a horseshoe nail.

It’s all a ripple effect, and I’m trying to learn how to be a team player in a position that, I have to admit, I’m not really that good at, and that requires skills and knowledge that I just didn't have 4 months ago. Remember when I said I was overwhelmed by the newness? New city, new people, new demographic, new job, new tasks, new skills required. When my world is void of familiarity, I have a harder time performing seemingly simple things.

So, I’ve had to create or remind myself to indulge in the familiar. I was going to give up Diet Dr. Pepper, but that is my one vice. My guitar spent too much time under the bed; I now go to open mic nights. I hadn't sung in a choir (I was in 3 before I left home) until Lauren’s mom started picking me up every week. Thank you Tracy! I was going to several churches of different doctrine; I now go to Central Presbyterian.

Humans, some more than others, naturally need some form of routine and familiarity, in order to ovoid chaos. It’s when we break out of our positive or at least harmless habits that we can enter a panic zone. Granted, some people are better and switching it up than others, and I think at different points in time, I have been too, but… in order to bring all of me to the table and do the best job I can, I need to embrace in the me that I am.

I am emotional, seemingly spacey because I generally have multiple things running through my brain. I need to do one thing at a time in order to do it well. I love children, and they provide the most positive energy to my life. My voice is what my soul sounds like, and to not sing is to not harness my being and spirit.

There have been a lot of questions running through my mind about whether or not this job is providing those things for me, but for now, all I can say is that I have to find ways of providing them for myself. I am seeing the impact that my job has in the whole of TGP, but as far as ever being the right fit for the job and the job for me, only time will tell. Things are in a better place than they were a couple weeks ago, and hopefully they will only get better.

For now though, I am really really looking forward to a nice break and trip home. I can’t wait to see my fiancé and my family, and we can reflect together what this year is all about.

I did have a really great week, Christmas carols, cards, candy, and festivities. When it is not this season, I just hope this joy can stick around. I think it will take more effort on my part, and the continued effort of the people working with me, so this year isn't just about doing a job. If it was about that, I could have stayed home and gotten paid. This year is about learning and growing, and having life changing experiences, and I know we do that most through struggle. My struggle now though is to just find and keep that balance between doing and being, with hopefully a little more room for the latter.

Has it really been 2 months?!

WARNING! The following blog is fairly lengthy as I have 2 whole months to fit in. Happy Reading!

Well, today marks 2 months since I left Arkansas, and I figured it was about time I updated this thing. The unfortunate part of this coming so late is that there is so much to tell, so I’ll just dive right in.

When I first arrived to New York for orientation, I met some friendly smiles and a few bruises from carrying my luggage. I packed quite a bit as I would leave for Denver for a whole year after my one week in up north. The week was exhausting but very informational and also filled with some fun. No, I did not get to go into the city, see any Broadway plays, or ferry around the big statue, but I did stay at Stony Point, which is a beautiful conference center focused on sustainability and peace issues. I also got to be part of amazing worship and enjoy mostly really nice weather.

That Sunday, the day before we left, I went to a church that will soon celebrate its 300 year anniversary. It was beautiful. 6 of us went and we were supposed to share a bit of our testimony, what we would be doing over the next year, and why we got into the YAV program. I didn’t know exactly what I was going to speak about, but I had my bullet points and a song, called “Not Alone,” that I wrote. It was in speaking there that the true irony of my year came out. I said, "I got into the YAV program to live in a Spanish speaking country, to work with children, and to teach music, and God decided that for me that looked like living in Denver and working at a daytime women’s shelter.”

Two months later, I have experienced what that really does look like. My job entails many parts, with just a few glimpses of attaining my year goals.

 3 days a week, I work with The Card Project, an awesome program for the members of The Gathering Place community to make and sell cards. 75% of that amount goes to the artist and 25% goes back into production. I pull for shows where the cards are sold and get to witness first hand what amazing work these artists make. Spanish has come into play with November’s “Card of the Month” artist, EHS. (Each of the Artists goes by their initials.) She and I speak Spanglish to each other, while I practice my Spanish, and she practices her English. There’s a lot of “como se dice” on my end, but she’s very patient and sweet.

I also work at the Welcome Desk a few shifts a week. This is actually where a lot of the action happens in the building. This is where new members fill out papers and where all members get checked in for the day. It’s also where I need to learn about more of the programs that happen in the building. Most of the time I can just say “The resource desk, strait back, can help you with those questions,” but I also need to know how to direct people around our 4 story building and how to get where they need to go.

Another part of my job is to coordinate computer lab time and find subs when volunteers can’t show up. The times that I myself have been that sub have actually been nice, because I mostly just sit behind the control computer, and while some of the members wait, I’ve been able to have some really nice conversations, and have even been pleasantly teased a few times.

Lunch is another time that I really enjoy sitting with various people and indulging in conversation. It’s amazing to me the strength that some of the people I come into contact with have. One person I sat with is also an artist, and she quoted 1 Thessalonians 5:18 to me which states “Give thanks in all things, for this is God’s will according to you.” She said that this passage has really given her strength through her struggles. I can’t tell you how encouraging that was for me. I’ve struggled in figuring out my position and how the job I do this year will affect my future, though I know it will in a great degree, but to know and acknowledge that no matter what, it’s God’s will. Wow, that was powerful. I had to excuse myself to go to the restroom and back to work, and she asked me if she and her friend had bored me. I wish I had done an even better job of explaining that nothing could be further from the truth.

I am also in charge of making the weekly event and lunch calendars, and editing the white board in the welcome area every day. Sadly, this is probably the part I’ve struggled with the most. It’s funny, because it really is simple, but I’ve made more mistakes in this area, probably mostly because I don’t give it the amount of dedication it takes, it entails the most learning in using computers and different programs, and I’m not as excited about it. Tough though, right? I am dedicated to doing a good job in all things that are required of me, so I do get frustrated in my failings, so by the end of this year, maybe I will be an expert calendar maker. Haha

A new part of my job that I haven’t started yet is working in the family area. Finally! A chance to work with kids! It will only be once a week, on Wednesday mornings, but this is something I know I’m good at, and I’ll have opportunity to practice a little more Spanish with some of the moms and children. It will be a nice spot in my week to “feed my soul” as two of my supervisors have put it.

Last, but not least, I have an amazing team that I work with. My coworkers have been great in making sure I have a smooth transition into things and check in with me often. That’s how I ended up with a Family area shift, and they have also let the musician that comes in of Fridays know that I play music too, and he’s let me play a few songs. Sometimes he lets me sing with him on a couple, and sometimes he plays harmonica along with me. He’s got a nice James Taylor style. (My dad would appreciate that.) The members are also really encouraging when I play and tell me I should do it more often.

My favorite thing that my coworkers have done for me though was decorate my cubicle for my birthday a couple weeks ago. I had “subtly” let a few of them know it was coming up, but the day it came, I wasn't sure if anything would come of it. That day was a card project day though, and Denise, The Card Project coordinator announced to the artists, and they sang the Spanish birthday song “Las mañanitas” to me. Later, when I went to the bathroom, I came out and a bunch of my coworkers were standing around my desk and had cupcakes and streamers and sang “Happy Birthday” (in English) to me. It was such a good day.

 

Oh, and of course I couldn’t end this blog post, as long as it already is without giving a shout out to some of my new favorite people, my housemates, and the DOOR staff. Each Monday we have community day and check in, but throughout the week, we have a pretty great support system at home, and some people we can call on in the office. These are really the people that are going to give me my peace and sanity this year. They’re the ones that get to hear me gripe and celebrate about work and life, and missing and getting to finally see my fiancé, and they are the ones that have to put up with my mess and love me anyway. Thanks guys!

So far this year has proven to be quite the learning experience, and I'm finding new ways of achieving my goals through all of the little and big things I am doing. I get little glimpses of why I'm here, day by day, and I will "give thanks in all things, for this is god's will".

 

So, I will try not to take 2 months before writing another post, and these things can be more “check ins” than life stories. Thanks for checking in and for your continued support of my year thus far and ahead. I miss home, but am starting to make my little niche here. Oh, and I am just about $750 away from my fundraising need, so thank you, thank you, thank you, for helping me get this far!

 

Peace, love, music, and the best of all things!

 

Lacy

p.s. In regards to my previous post, yes, I made it all the way to the top, as did all my housemates who tried. Yay! Taking Denver down, feat by feat! J

Mountains and Valleys

I've had a hard time knowing what to put on here over the last few weeks, but when Antonio, my site coordinator for Denver emailed our group of volunteers today and told us that one of our training exercises is  going to be climbing Mt Yale: elevation 14,196, it hit me. Mountains and valleys, based on a scripture I remember reading at Youth quake in high school: "Without valleys there'd be no mountains."

I've had a very eventful last month at home. Almost 3 weeks ago, my best friend proposed to me in front of my whole family: mountain top experience. We've known since we started dating that I was going to be leaving for a year, so we've been able to work it into our minds that this was a challenge that we were going to have to overcome. He decided, and I agree that the best way for us to bridge this gap of distance over the next year is to make a stronger bond and commitment to each other.

 This past Sunday, I found that my grandfather had past away: valley experience. If you are not familiar with this terminology or haven't caught on yet, this particular usage of mountains and valleys stands for high and low points in our lives. My gut reaction when I found out was concern for my mother and fear of the guilt she would feel. My grandfather lived with us for the last 5 months while he went through radiation treatment. Over that time, and time before that after he had broken his hip, my mom and her 3 brothers had a relationship with their father that was better than it had ever been. But after the 5 months were up, and my grandpa's psa has dramatically decreased, the decision came: stay with my parents or go home. He reluctantly made the decision that he knew was right. Go home and start his life back to normal. He got involved at the senior center there, which during his time with my parents was something he found he really enjoyed. The night before he died he had written on his calendar: "felt great today, had a great meal." He was notorious for writing EVERYTHING down, but this time it gave some comfort to his loved ones. He passed away that night.

Of course my mother's initial reaction was: "Should I have kept him at home?" We've all come to the conclusion that the decision that needed to made was made, and he died after having "felt great" and eaten "a great meal." You can't really ask for more than that...

Aside from recent events, I still think back to last summer, when I had to make the decision not to go to Guatemala. That was the hardest decision of my life, and it was definitely felt like a valley experience experience at the time. But, without last summer, I wouldn't be engaged, and I wouldn't have had this last year with my grandpa.

The bible gives us many different examples of valleys, the valley of the shadow of death, valleys of battle, valleys of discouragement. But, the bible also shows us that valleys are also literally and symbolically places of supplication. Valleys were where the crops were grown, where the people generally lived. You have to spend time in the valley to grow, to learn, to trust, and you become stronger so you can make it up to that mountain top, and truly feel the sense of accomplishment in what you have overcome.

Without the valleys there'd be no mountains. Without effort there'd be no reward (or RE-ward, as my grandpa would have said). And, without our extremes, there would be no means of comparison, no separation from amazing experiences like saying yes to the love of your life, or holding your first great grand baby, 62nd wedding aniversaries (Congratulations uncle Eck and Aunt Marge!) or climbing the highest mountain to times like saying see you later to a loved one. I will revel in getting to the top of that mountain when I get there, but I hope to look back down on how far I had to climb and love the experience for what it was.

More

My music manager wanted me to write a song about why I wanted to do this whole YAV thing so much. This is what I came up with:

Life keeps on moving, but your spinning around.

And your only connections your feet on the ground.

If hope is a question, will you find the answer?

If life is a game, will you play safe or chance it?

I've gotta move. I've gotta climb.

I've got to cling to this chance that is mine.

I wanna fly. I wanna soar.

I want to reach out when there's opportunity for... more.

A chance to step outside the circles,

to reach beyond the surface,

to grow, to share, to find

the circles we perceive 

become knots and intertwine.

The interwoven mess seems to lead back to where you started.

But look a little closer and see that that's just part of it.

The patterns are beautiful if you can see,

the little glimpses they give you of destiny.

I've gotta move. I've gotta climb.

I've got to cling to this chance that is mine.

I wanna fly. I wanna soar.

I want to reach out when there's opportunity for more.

As you can tell from reading, the answers to why and why now, mostly stem from my desire to fulfill a call not only to serve, but to grow. I believe that this is the best time of my life, not wholly convenient, but best, to fulfill this purpose of exploration and passing on the gift of hope. All of my past experience(s) have led me to this point. I have climbed and I've searched myself, but you've got to come to a point that you finally take that final step of trust and faith so that you can feel that wind of flight.

Some know that this is my second attempt at becoming a YAV. I was chosen to go to Guatemala last year, and after a turn of events had to back out the summer before I would have left. In a lot of ways, this past year has felt like spinning around in circles, especially in the beginning. To feel so deeply that you are supposed to do something, and then not be able to do it, can really knock you down to where you really have to retrace your steps. 

This year has also added new parts to my life that have helped get me ready for this year: more time to make music, getting back into theatre, a loving boyfriend, and a chance to get closer to my family and see the real extent of what their love means. All of these things have helped me build a firmer foundation. 

In a late night of contemplation, I came up with the metaphor of friendship bracelets, especially the one with several strings in which you wrap one around at a time to make patterns. Each string represents a part of your life, the big picture (or in this case the bracelet.) Each specific parts have different times that they stand out, but they all work together to create a beautiful pattern. My strings would be faith (turquoise), family (brown), love (red), children (green), music (yellow), theatre (purple). There would probably be other colors and other things that aren't necessarily my strengths, but they are part of my picture as well. Until you get the hang of making your bracelet, it may seem to just be an interwoven mess of color, but as you continue, the beauty will increase. Once you start to really integrate your strengths together, the picture becomes clearer. But you shouldn't just cut of the "ugly" ends, but instead tie them together to give the whole thing strength and purpose (in a bracelets case, going around your wrist).

All this to say, we've got to take each opportunity for both self and world improvement that we can, and move where we're led, so that we might find new ways of integrating ourselves and discovering new possibilities for how to live our lives and who to share it with.

Benefit Concert Invitation

Help Support a Young Adult Volunteer (YAV)

What: Benefit Concert for Young Adult Volunteer

Where: First Presbyterian Church, Springdale (100 S Gutensohn)

When: Sunday, July 15^th

Time: 3:00pm

Lacy Morris of First Presbyterian Church in Springdale will be volunteering for a year in Denver in the YAV program, A program of Presbyterian World Mission, General Assembly Mission Council. She will be working in a women’s shelter called The Gathering Place, and as part of her service, she hopes to share the gift of songwriting as a tool of self discovery and overcoming hardships. Part of moving toward that effort is raising funds, awareness of the program, and your prayers, so she and her church will be hosting a benefit concert, where Lacy will share some of the songs she has written and will share with you more about the program and what she will be doing. Light refreshments will be provided and donations will be accepted. We hope you will join us for a fun afternoon of music and well wishes, and will help us send Lacy off with the funds and encouragement she will surely need for the year to come.

Letter

Dear family, church family, extended church family, friends, and so on,

(I’ll just call you family, because that is what you will become by being involved with this mission.)

My name is Lacy Morris, a member of the First Presbyterian Church in Springdale. Recently I served as the Presbytery of Arkansas Young Adult Advisory Delegate to the General Assembly in Minneapolis in 2010, and while there I discovered the Young Adult Volunteer Program aka, YAVs. I followed up on this program after leaving General Assembly after realizing they weren’t the same thing. (Easy to get confused right?) I had heard of the program before, having worked at summer camps with YAV alumni.

Having felt a call into ministry in Junior High, but along the way discovering that ministry is a much broader term than serving only behind a pulpit, I felt that this was the perfect opportunity to serve, learn, and grow. The motto of the YAV experience is “a year of service for a lifetime of change.” From the stories I’ve heard from alumni of the program, I gather that that is exactly the experience I am getting myself into and exactly the experience I am looking for.

I made a pretty drastic changed in college, switching from a BFA Musical Theatre degree to a BA in Cultural Anthropology. At the time, and still a bit today, I feel that it’s just another way of studying the same thing: people. In both degrees you have to get on the level of other people. Post graduation, I discovered teaching, the one thing I was determined to stay away from in my early college education. As a substitute teacher, I fell in love with being in the classroom, and found a particular joy in special education. See, my life has been filled with change, but all guiding me in a particular direction. I have the same passions of music and the arts, and also in people, but I have a particular joy for young people, and I’ve seen the beautiful ways that all of the above can intertwine.

When I was trying to decide with which locations to interview and possibly serve, my main criteria were opportunities to work with children. I also wanted to find a way to integrate my passion for music and teaching to help women and children. Songwriting has helped me through many situations in my life and has often been the thing that kept me going, so I wanted an opportunity to share that gift and pass it along.

Having narrowed it down to 3 sites that I felt satisfied these goals, I was chosen to serve in Denver, my third choice. Then, I was given another change, but also a blessing. I had been a bit blind sighted by my intention to work with mostly kids, through youth programs and/or school environments, I blocked out other opportunities. Then, I had a great interview with a lady from The Gathering Place in Denver, a women’s shelter for women and their children. In this position, I will have the opportunity to work both on the behind the scenes side of things and also directly with the women and their children. So, this position took what I wanted and gave a little twist that only the Lord can muster. I hope to find opportunities to share with these women who have suffered homelessness and abuse the gift of songwriting. I know the power and healing that music can have.

All of this is a pretty longwinded introduction to say: I’m going to Denver and I need your help! I’ve already, with the help of my church and many members and friends raised a little over half of the $6500 that I need to raise. You can help me make it the rest of the way by donating any amount. And, it doesn’t have to stop at just $6500 total! What ever extra is raised will go into the pot to help my fellow volunteers.

I’m very excited to go to Denver, and I can’t imagine how much I will learn and grow, because I’ve already seen that God can sometimes take our second, third, or any choice but number one and show us how that is really the best choice. If you are interested and willing to donate, pray for, and/or keep up with my experience, there is a flyer below to tell you how to do so.

Peace, love, and music,

Lacy Morris

Flyer

Lacy Morris: Young Adult Volunteer, Denver, Colorado 

Help Support a Young Adult Volunteer (YAV)  


A Program of Presbyterian World Mission, General Assembly Mission Council

Education                                                        

Recently Graduated from University of Arkansas

With a BA degree in Anthropology (emphasis in Culture)

In Decembter, 2011

Church Affiliation

First Presbyterian Church, Springdale, AR

Contact Information

Email address: morrismusic@ymail.com

Phone Number: 479-466-9848

How Can You Support Me?

• Your Prayers:  Pray for me and for the people with whom I will live and serve this year.
• Your Interest in My Year of Service:  Follow my experience by reading my blog (lacymorrisdenver.blogspot.com). Ask me to speak at your church when I return.

Make checks payable to “DOOR”

On the memo line include “Denver, Lacy Morris”

Mail checks to-

DOOR

430 West 9^th Ave.

Denver, CO 80204

For online donations, go to www.doornetwork.org , select the link for “Donate”