“…and what about this Valentine’s Day? Isn’t that, uh…
everyday? Shouldn’t you love… the people you love… each day of the week?” says
a stranger on the bus on my roommates’ and my way home from the zoo, on
community day.
Though the rest of his rant took some interesting turns, talking
about how he would only send people he hates to the Catholic church, and that
he wouldn’t tell his crack smoking friends where they would go after they die,
but, “uh, when you get to hell, you won’t be smokin’ no more crack, because
hell is gonna smoke you…,” his first statement rings of some validity. One has
to ask the question why we have all the holidays. Why do we pick one day of
year and call it the day of love, of for some “singles’ awareness day?”
From an anthropological side, it’s pretty simple, ritual. I
mentioned in a recent blog that we as humans need ritual. Times of Advent and,
now, Lent, are good times to get into a certain mindset, not that you don’t
think about the things you think about at those certain times, but that you
focus on certain aspects of your life that can be interrupted by the
day-to-day.
So, in light of this Valentine’s Day, (it's officially 2/14/13 in Arkansas) I’d like to address a
topic that I haven’t mentioned as much on this blog. Since I got the permission
of my fiancé, Alex, I wanted to talk about what it’s like to be engaged in a
year of service while also being engaged to someone who is 12 hours away. A lot
of people have asked me why I’ve done this year, and what it’s like to be away
from a fiancé, and you might also want to know how I keep focused. Well, I’ll
tell you, it’s not always easy.
I found out when I got to orientation, that I was actually
one of 3 girls that got engaged, I believe about the same time, who were
entering a year of service, one of whom has gone home, and another doing
seemingly fine even further, and across the sea from her betrothed. But it goes
with my theme of this year, that I’m “Not Alone” in this journey. I assumed I would
be a rarity, being engaged and moving away, but I wasn’t the only one. And it
gave me some comfort.
Culture is different in Denver . Not that it’s Super common to be
engaged to someone 6 months after you started dating in Arkansas , but it is more common. Here,
couples can date years and years, and marriage never crosses their mind or isn’t
as high on the priority list. But, since Alex and I knew from the first day
that we met that I was going to go away for a year, we were from the start able
to think about what tomorrow would and could bring. It didn’t take long before
the long-term and then forever topics started becoming apparent to both of us.
In fact, it was a month in when I knew I wanted him to be the father of my children.
Haha! We went to see the Lorax, and
there was a girl who said some thing cute, to which he replied, “Aw, I want
one!” Yep… Sold!
He mentioned something about wanting to give me something
special before I went to Denver , and I asked him
if he was going to send me to this new
city with a ring on my finger. I knew for certain that
he had big plans when he told me that he wanted to “have a talk with” my dad.
And then, when his mom showed up to our family reunion, not that that’s the
weirdest thing in the world, but still a nice surprise, I had a feeling it was
it.
And, man, my boy can deliver a speech. He told my dad’s whole
side of the family, before we said grace, about how along the way, Alex and I
had taken a good amount of challenges on, which we had been pretty good at
overcoming. He said, that this year raises questions of what this year will
hold, and he decided it was another challenge, and one he knew we would
overcome. He got down on his knee and asked me to take on the challenge of
being engaged, and to be his wife.
Alright, so… fast track, 6 months later. Have we fought?
Yes. Have we cried? Yes. Have we had lots of moments where we’ve thought to
ourselves, “This would be a lot more fun” or “easier if my fiancé was here”?
Most definitely! There are times that it’s been way harder than I imagined, but
even more moments that he reminds me why I committed to this. He’s been really
supportive during my rollercoaster rides of emotions and challenges this year.
He doesn’t like it when I cry, and wishes he could make it better, but we’ve
both learned what it really means to appreciate our time together, time on the
phone and the time that we’ve gotten to see each other, every other month or
so. Do we wish those times were fewer and further between? Umm, without a
doubt. But, we, to some sense, knew what we were getting ourselves into and
that it wouldn’t be easy. The last 6 months have been full of surprises, but
mostly I’m pleasantly surprising myself.
I know it would be easier to be engaged and together, but
the distance, on my end at least, has made me a stronger person, and more
faithful. I’ve retrained the way I am when I go out, when I think about my day.
I make sure I call him when I can, and when I meet strangers, yeah strangers,
at a bar, I’m quick to delve into how much I love my fiancé. I’m sure to some
people it’s annoying or weird, but it’s also been really cool to meet the
people that are supportive of me, and want to know more, people that don’t just
treat me like I’m crazy for doing this.
One of my coworkers was a lot of help. She and her now
husband spent 2 years apart while he did 2 years of service in Texas , and she was getting her Masters in New York . She said that
the biggest thing to remember is to “buy in” to this year, and to expect that
of Alex too, thus the title of this blog entry: being engaged in and during
this year.
I knew before coming that I didn’t want to just be “the
engaged girl.” I wanted to fully commited to everything I came into this year
to accomplish. I wanted to be a part of my home community in Denver ,
to get to know a new city ,
to learn about the urban context and ways God was working in it, and to bring
my skills to the table and offer them for free for the one year that I could. I’m
so thankful that I have someone who, mostly, patiently waits for me 12 hours
away, who knows that it’s better for me to do this year and follow a calling,
than to throw it away for love. That makes our love stronger, and we continue
to grow day by day.
Happy Valentine’s Day to the love of my life, Alex Hampton.
Thank you for being there and holding on. You’re the strongest person I know,
and I’m grateful for everything you are and mean to me, as a still growing
woman and as your future wife.
I would also ask that my friends and family and passers by
who read this blog to pray, if you haven’t already, for continued blessings
over our relationship, that we always feel his presence and each others love,
even from a distance.
Peace, love, music and the best of things,
Lacy
Picture from Valentine's Day '12
No comments:
Post a Comment